SYMPTOMS - SHORT VERSION
Foggy, Cloudy, or Smokey vision
Heavy eyes and droopy or "sleepy" eyelids
Uveitis (Have been taking Vitamin D for a month - eyes now clear)
Increase in dead spots and limited visual field
Floaters (the semi-transparent ones) are more noticeable
"Spider Webs" also in visual field
Less congestion in neck, throat, face, and head (Was worried about Idiopathic intracranial hypertension (IIH), Pseudotumor cerebri, Intercranial pressure). My breathing is not fluid. Often, I hold my breath. Often, I inhale and exhale through my nose instead of my mouth. I still get sharp pains here and there in my head, but no prolonged headaches.
No longer seeing "Light Flashes", but seeing "lights" that are constantly on. (Ex. There appears to be a flashlight pointed at my face just over my left shoulder. But, no one is here besides me and only the ceiling light in the room is on.) I have four different "lights" that I see that don't exist in the outside world.
Mental confusion and forgetfulness
Depression - I'm a little worried about being able to take care of myself and not being a burden to family members. Also, there are other things I wanted to do and causes I wanted to contribute to, but I'm not sure if I will ever be able to do it.
Rapid decrease in visual field in best eye (left eye). If I look a person in the face, I can only see their eyes, the bridge of their nose, and part of their forehead. This is from 5 to 6 feet away. At a further distance away, I can see more. I can't see a full picture of my hand if my fingers are spread apart.
Right eye mostly gray and shadowy although I can see outlines of ojects and change in brightness. I also have double vision in this eye, so the picture in this eye overlaps and sits lower and to the left of my main vision.
Watery eyes - This doesn't happen every day, but sometimes it happens twice a day. It occurs mostly in my right eye (the worst eye). It might not be a good thing, but it feels good when it happens. Soothing.
Slow transition or adjustment to changes in light. Such as when I come from outside during the day and walk into a house or building. My eyes don't adjust as fast as they used to.
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THE FOLLOWING IS MORE IN-DEPTH INFORMATION ABOUT MY EXPERIENCES, SYMPTOMS, RESULTS, AND HOW I GOT IN THE SITUATION I'M IN NOW.
I tried to keep up with my medical report from the eye doctor, but I must have mistakingly locked them at the storage facility. So, I can't tell you exactly what I was diagnosed with besides severe Glaucoma and cataracts. I have been to four physicians, and they all have told me I have severe Glaucoma, so that will be my primary focus on this blog.
Floaters - In the beginning (around 2008), I used to see the black floaters often. I would often see objects moving out of the corner of my eye. Very often I thought I saw bugs or something crawling on the floor, or on the wall, or on the furniture.
Mild headaches and Sharp pains - In the past, I had slight headaches regularly. I don't really have that many headaches anymore, but I don't drink anymore either. It's been months since I had a real headache and it was due to me drinking beer. I still have flashes of pain (sharp pain) in my head and it feels like I have small air passages that are clogged, so sometimes, I tried to force air through there to get rid of the sharp pain.
Flashes of Light - It was in late 2013 or mid 2014 that I began to see MORE FLOATERS and light flashes. When I'm taking the medicated drops to relieve the pressure, they go away. As of right now, I don't see the light flashes, because I'm taking Vyzulta. Before that, I was taking two different drops - Latanoprost and Dorzolamide HCL. Those worked well. The last eye doctor confirmed that my pressure was low, but I asked if there were any better drops, and she told me about Vyzulta. Anyway, no more flashes now.
YEARS before now, I didn't take my eye drops regularly as recommended. I would get a prescription, take them for a month or two, then stop. Honestly, I kept running out of credit AND money. I was poor, broke, and trying to help other folks instead of taking care of myself.
Later in 2014, I was at work and coming from the back of the store and walking up to the front-end. As I walked up the aisle, I noticed that all of the customers going in and out, shopping carts, the front doors, the signage, everything was blurry. Even as I got closer, they were barely coming into focus. It was only after I got about 25 or 30 feet from them that I could start to see the faces clearly.
I continued on to my department and had to make a left after I got to the cash registers. As I looked down this main walk-way towards my department - which was about 150 feet away - I realized that I could only distinguish my co-workers from customers by their walk, shape, and the way they moved. I felt bad because I thought it was time for me to get glasses. But later that day, my vision went back to "normal". I still had the flashes and floaters, but other than that, my vision was sharp.
The next day, my vision was blurry for a little while again but went back to normal. This went on for a few days until one day, I woke up to go to work and the peripheral vision on my right eye was gone. I woke up and there seemed to be a black wall that I just couldn't look around. This "black wall" followed me everywhere and I was scared as crap. I still went to work (dumb) thinking it would clear up.
Some of our customers were doctors and one happened to come into the store. He recommended that I leave work and go to an eye doctor fast. We didn't have anybody to cover the shift, so my dumbass stayed and worked until 11pm (I think).
The next day, for SOME reason, I thought this ailment would pass and my vision would go back to normal, so I went to work.
I must have gotten used to it, because months had passed and I still hadn't went to an eye doctor.
THEN, one day, while at home I was looking at my hand or something on the bed - I really can't remember - and, I noticed that the thing I was looking at was "invisible" in some parts. I had "dead spots" in my vision!
I should've went to the eye doctor, but I didn't. At this time, I had good credit. I had just bought a house. And, I had a little bit of cash. But, my dumbass was thinking I needed insurance. (Actually, they DO treat you better after they verify that you have insurance.)
Anyway, a few months later, one of our customers came to visit me at home. She needed help moving something heavy she had in her backyard. I went to help her. I sat and talked for a couple of hours, and afterwards, she took me back home. I gave her a tour of my house, and as we stood out in the driveway and talked, I realized I couldn't see her body from her abdomen on down! I was shocked! That's why I can't remember much about our conversation or that day. Right then, I realized I was going blind and that's all I was thinking about.
But... I STILL didn't go to the doctor! Until one morning - on my day off - I woke-up and the whole house was full of smoke. I rushed into the kitchen to turn off the stove, but it wasn't on. I looked all throughout the house, but there was no fire. The smoke was inside of my eyeballs.
It wasn't cigarette smoke or weed smoke (although I started smoking and smoked a little bit the night before). It was from the canned meat and junk food I ate the night night before. (At least, that's what I thought at the time.)
People think that smoking weed helps the glaucoma - which is what I believed I suffering from after doing a lot of research online - but, weed doesn't really help unless you smoke a lot of it. Taking a few pulls doesn't take the pressure down. I was still feeling my eyeballs ache almost all day at home and at work. There was no way I could afford to smoke heavy and perform well, so I NEVER experienced the medicinal benefits of smoking Mary Jane. Plus, I only learned how to roll in cigars and adding tobacco to the weed didn't help my eyesight either. Later on, I realized it actually made my eyes worse.
That day when I woke up and thought the house was on fire, I called the store manager directly and told her that I wouldn't be in for a few days. I told her I may not be coming back at all due to my vision being so cloudy, but she told me to take as much time as I needed and to let her know if I needed a ride to the eye doctor or money or anything. Yes, that place has some really great people working there.
I took the time off. The eye clinic I went to sucked like hell. I won't get into how terrible they are right now, but hours after I signed in for my scheduled appointment, I was able to see the doctor, and she gave me three different types of drops to use each day. One type of drop for the morning. One for morning and night. And, the final drop for the night. After using them, my eyes were red, they burned, and my vision was blurry for at least an hour or two, so I couldn't operate any equipment on the job for at least an hour if I worked the 5am morning shift.
Anyway, the drops helped, but because I was still living off of snacks and canned food, eating only processed meats, smoking cigarettes, and drinking Monster Energy Drinks or coffee throughout the entire day, my vision continued to go downhill.
At night, I would sit on my porch steps and look at my neighbor's kitchen window. I used the window and the top of my A/C unit to measure how much the shadow was closing in on my central vision.
I asked that doctor if cigarettes were harming my vision, she told me "no", cigarettes don't affect the vision. Smoking may not directly affect your vision, but later, as my eyes got more sensitive, I would see my vision "fade" for 10 seconds to over 10 minutes after inhaling.
I started taking certain vitamins and supplements a little before I went to the eye doctor, but I realized too late, that taking vitamins and supplements are no good without good food to eat with them. So, the dead spots continued to take over, and my visual field also got smaller and smaller - especially in my right eye.
I could look at the sun in my right eye and not even see it in certain parts. It was the same way if I looked directly at a light bulb. I could be inches away from a light buld, stare at it, and not even see the brightness. *This eye is beyond that phase now. Now, my vision in that eye is completely gray. I can sense SOME light. There are some shadows of objects. But, I also have double vision in this eye. So, no matter where I look, I can't see. I can't even find my way around a room if my left eye is closed or covered.
In 2015, my girl and her two daughters moved in and my living expenses went up. This was a huge mistake on my part because she stopped working and I could no longer afford my drops. At the time, one bottle of the three drops I needed was about $150.00. Another bottle was about $60.00. I can't remember the price of the final bottle, but that led me to choosing my vitamins and supplements a little more carefully.
Although, I was eating better since my girlfriend moved in and taking vitamins that were specific to eye health, my eyes began to ache and my field of vision started closing in faster. I measured it everyday by staring at certain areas at work and by neighbor's kitchen window.
Unfortunately, my depression was kicking in harder around this time, and I was drinking 24 ounces to 48 ounces of beer almost daily. I never liked the taste of beer, but I thought it would be better than smoking weed.
It wasn't. Drinking all of that liquid in a short period of time, put more pressure on my eyeballs. Even gulping down too much water in a short period of time can harm your eyes, but I didn't realize this. Furthermore, I wasn't sleeping with my upper body and head elevated, so that put more pressure on my eyeballs and optic nerve as well. I don't remember my eye doctor telling me any of this, but I definitely heard it from other people who suffered eye trauma and from what I read online.
The flashes came back, but they weren't as frequent. This gave me a false sense of belief that my diet and the supplements were helping and could possibly reverse my glaucoma without the drops.
In 2017, another symptom emerged. My eyes felt heavier - especially when I was at home and not active. Also, my eyes were still aching for nearly two years. The pain was not as bad as before though. I cut back on the snacks and from drinking so much coffee, so I don't know if I got used to the pain or if I was benefiting from the healthier food and diet choices. Also, I stopped drinking so much beer. I only had a drink or two maybe once every three to five months.
Colors also weren't as crisp. Even if it was bright and sunny outside, in my eyes, nothing had much "pop". None of the colors were vibrant. Maybe because of glare, but I think it was something else.
In late 2018, I was starting to have trouble reading the nutrition facts on food packages and on my vitamin bottles. I also couldn't read the small print SKU numbers on price labels at work. Any fine print that was closer than ten or twelve inches was hard to read. It was time for reading glasses, but I also applied for a few credit cards which helped me put some cash in the bank and I went to see another eye doctor.
She said the same thing as the first eye doctor: I had glaucoma and surgery was not recommended. She gave me two drops to take. These drops were the generic Latanoprost and generic form of Dorzolamide. The drops seemed to work better than the first three-drop medical treatment had before. My eyes no longer burned or suffered from redness. Also, the aching was gone.
While I was there, I was able to get fitted for transition eye glasses, but they were basically reading glasses, because I couldn't see when I wore them. I couldn't only use them for reading. I felt like I got scammed or pushed into getting those glasses, because even though I had insurance, I still ended paying almost $400 out of pocket. And, the glasses and eye exam were supposed to be free. All other visits only cost me $195.00 for a first visit and no more than $95.00 for the follow-up.
Anyway... I tried to protect my credit and what little bit of cash I had, but you know I as well as I do that women love to shop. And, my girlfriend was no exception. Before long, I was broke again and in debt of more than half of my credit limit.
The kids needed stuff for school. They also wanted clothes, shoes, iPads, birthday parties, new hairstyles, etc. Every time I turned around there was something, and even when I had money, I was too scared to spend it just in case my girlfriend or her kids needed something.
After three months, I was no longer using the drops. I bought a few vitamins I thought would last, and I tried meditation and deep breathing.
I wasn't good at meditating and deep breathing although I some success in the beginning. But, a very crazy experience made me nervous about going too deep into meditating, so I never could back into it like before.
It was also around this time that it getting more difficult for my eyes to adjust to the change in lighting situations.
Whenever it was daylight and I walked into a building, my eyes adjusted to the change in light slower and slower. I tried wearing sunglasses anytime I went outside during the day and they seemed to help most of the time.
In 2019, of course the eye aches returned, more dead spots appeared, and vision was closing in on both of my eyes to the point that it seemed like I was looking at the world in a dream. There was an area to the left of my visual field that was clear like "normal" vision, but everywhere else was cloudy or "invisible". So, I had to look down when I walked because I was always running into things or tripping over boxes or carts or merchandise at work. Even at home, they had to keep a clear path for me.
I got to the point that I felt uncomfortable going to the grocery store and pharmacy by myself. At work, I was alone, so I didn't have to worry about running into or over people when I used the forklift or other equipment. It sounds crazy that they would even let me behind the wheel of a forklift, but I worked that department for years and knew it like the back of my hand. Plus, I used my instincts a lot. Furthermore, I was extra extra careful. So, I never had any issues unless I had "special" people who didn't know any better and who walked into my work area unannounced - especially if they walked outside where some of the lights on the poles and building didn't work.
Speaking of working in the night -
In the later half of 2019, I was beginning to have more intense issues with glare. This really became an issue as I went to work at night and was facing traffic. Sometimes, I would lose track of the sidewalk and end up walking into a yard or even worse, I would step off of the curb into the traffic. Yes, it was getting dangerous.
During the day, the glare was even worse, so I was under pressure to finish my job before the sun came up. Often, I wouldn't beat the rising of the sun because there was so much to do, and I'd have to deal with the challenge of fighting through all that glare on my way home. I tried various pairs of sunglasses, but they only offered minor relief in some areas and made my vision worse in other areas. So, sometimes, although I wore the sunglasses, I would still have to use my hand and/or forearm to shield my eyes from the glare.
I tried to spend more time outside so that I wouldn't develop Myopia, but I was so frustrated with trying to work around the house, that I gave up and stayed in my room until it was time for me to go work at night.
This was not good because I was always in the house on the computer and using a 55 inch TV screen as a monitor. And, it was less than five feet away from me! And, we thought some of my co-workers were "special"!
I knew this wasn't good for my vision, but I had to keep researching and plotting and planning my escape from the "situation" I was in.
Eventually, stopped working. This wasn't because of my eyes. In fact, "work" was the only exercise I was getting and it helped preserve me. Later, I sold my house and moved into a rental. But, this is when things started to get really bad!
After I stopped working and was on the computer all day, my eyes ached even more. My visual field kept getting smaller. Objects that were further away began to get blurrier.
I tried weed again to get rid of the pressure, BUT... right after smoking it... I would have more dead spots! The eye aches would go away, but it wasn't worth it. Not to me. I tried using a damp cloth over my eyes to alleviate some of the pain, and it worked. But, about a minute or so later, the aches would start to come back.
I didn't feel like sitting around with a rag on my face all day, so I gave up on that treatment.
After I finally moved into the rental, I realized I had no more stress from other people to deal with, and so I was able to quit smoking cigarettes and drinking beer.
I bought all the vitamins I needed. I was routed to another eye doctor by the clinic due to the pandemic, but I got my drops. I bought more vegetables. I drank more water. I was going outside and sitting on the back porch. I worked out in the yard raking and bagging leaves. And, I spent more time listening to audiobooks rather than being on the computer.
But, my vision was (and is) still diminishing rapidly.
The issue I have with glare is very much worse. The whole house is so foggy, cloudy, or smokey that it actually looks like there is a fire in here.
In four parts of my visual field, I see various "lights". On my left side, I see what appears to be a "flashlight" being pointed at me just over my left shoulder. I can't see it by directly looking at the "light". The light is inside my eye, so no matter where I turn my head, it's always "shining" from the same position/area.
Just over my head on the left side of my peripheral view, there also is a yellow light or blob. When I used to go to work at night, sometimes it would appear as a second story section of a yellow house. It's not as bad anymore, but sometimes I can see it.
Above my right eye, I see a light that reminds me of having on a hat and standing under a porch light. The glare or ray from the light looks very close to being above my head so it's NOT like a street lamp. It's like a porch light.
The last noticeable light is just above my nose and to the right. It's like one of those lightning flashes that never went out. And, it's huge. There is no structure to it either. It looks like a jumbled mess of a light that never goes away.
I can only see these "lights" in a low-lit room or if it's dark outside. Sometimes I can have my hoodie on and see these "lights".
In November, I noticed "spider webs". This is light that looks almost like an electrified glowing chaotic mesh (or mess). I think part of the issue is the double vision in my right eye (the "shadows" and outlines) overlapping the actual sight that's in my left eye.
The floaters came back, and in fact, I didn't know there were at least two different types until I saw a few videos online. There are the black floaters which you might mistake for bugs crawling. And, then there are some that look like "bacteria under a microscope". they seem to be semi-transparent. I see both, but I am now seeing the semi-transparent floaters more. It's possible because I'm just now realizing what they are.
The drops have taken away the pain. The pressure went down. But, I still have heaviness on my eyelids and a slight burning. I don't know if it's dry-eye or what, but it's irritating and makes me sleepy.
Sometimes, I feel like I have lazy eye or that my right eye is being pulled towards the left. I've tried to take pictures to see if this was the case, but I never see it in any of the photos.
The other issue I have - and you may have seen it in my typing - is "Confusion". That is something that is very real. I'm forgetful a lot, but I know it. Sometimes, I will start to do something and forget what it is I'm doing or wanted to do.
Often, I lose things I put down right in front of me since I don't have a complete and full visual field. Sometimes, when that happens, I forget what I was doing or I go somewhere else and look for what I put down. For instance, if I'm preparing food, I might sit a knife down on the counter, forget I put it there, and then when I don't see it, I walk away and look for it. But, it was there the whole time in front of me.
Sometimes, words don't come to me so easily. Neither does explaining things. That's why this post is so damn long. Which you can probably imagine is not good for my eyes. *I've been typing since about 1pm today. It's now 8:42pm. And, I started this post a couple of days ago.
Depression - I don't even know how to discuss this topic right now, because I really don't have anything positive to say. I really don't want to say anything negative, but I HAVE felt hopeless and at the end of my rope at times. Some days, I wake up, take stock of my condition, and start throwing things away. If I can't see how to use them, then what's the point? The only thing that keeps me going is seeing someone in a situation so much worse and wishing I could help them. I'm going blind, but that person may not have arms or legs, or a complete face, or the strength to stand, or the ability to breath on his or her own.
Who knows why these things happen to some of us. But, at least it sparks the determination in some people to try and solve some of these issues and make a difference in the World. I'm sad for myself and others, but I'll lend a hand or donate when I can. It's a struggle (mentally), but we have to really hang on for as long as we can.
The congestion in my neck and head has went away a lot. I still have to clear my throat a few times a day, and I still get a sharp pain here and there in my head, but it's not as bad as it used to be.
Sometimes, I get "watery eyes" in both eyes, but especially in my right eye. This doesn't happen everyday. And, sometimes it happens twice a day. At first, I thought it was the red onions I was cutting up, but when I ran out of onions for a week, I noticed it happened at least three times while I was just sitting in my recliner - once, with my eyes closed.
The final thing I noticed right before I moved out of my old house was I had developed what seemed to be "Uveitis" in my right eye. That eye was red and itching and burning all of the time for no reason. I could put regular eyedrops in it. I could flush it with water. I could put a cool damp rag over it, but it would not "heal".
Finally, I ordered some Vitamin D from Amazon. I realized, that I was NEVER getting any Sun. I was no longer drinking whole milk. I wasn't taking a multivitamin. My "girlfriend" and one of the kids who was now old enough to cook were making mostly fried foods and pasta. So, I was not getting much Vitamin D. That continued for a month or so after I got here.
I've been taking an excessive amount of Vitamin D, but the issue is gone.
And, that about wraps up all of my past and current symptoms and what I'm experiencing right now. Hopefully, I will get some sort of treatment in time and will be able to recommend it, but either way, I will keep posting until my time is up.
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